Another Deer God-Stamp

By way of “grief update,” I think the analogy that speaks the best is simply a whipsaw (defined as “To cause to move or alternate rapidly in contrasting directions”). The thoughts go from processed to primal, from a sense of adventure (this is ever, ever so slight and fleeting) to wail-crying (not so fleeting, but helpful). And all of that can occur in a matter of minutes, maybe even seconds. I’ve begun some very helpful reading (A Grace Disguised and Heaven); next up are some classics like A Grief Observed, and the psalms.

Through all this though, God has certainly shown His hand. In fact, I think I’m starting a new hobby of stamp collecting. God-stamp collecting. Now that you know the story about the deer (if not, please see post of January 14 "The Deer Story") I think you’ll appreciate something that happened this week. It's another stamp for the collection.

This past Tuesday, after we had received some fresh snow a few days earlier, I had this spontaneous, kinda crazy thought pop into my mind (which is what spontaneous thoughts do): “I should head up to the cemetery to see what animal tracks are around Dane’s grave before the snow melts” And obviously, the act of looking for animal tracks is me fishing for a deer sighting of some sort. But I’d take any animal tracks in that Dane really did have a thing for animals of all/any kind: she knew where all the “kitties” lived on our street, she would cry at the sight of a road-kill deer (I would always assure her the deer lived a long, fruitful life), and she would commune with the zoo animals when we visited.

So, I was blown away when I drove up to the grave and saw three sets of tracks: two dog….and one deer. There were no other tracks throughout the cemetery, and to make it even more poignant, the deer tracks were leading out of the woods right up to Dane’s spot, and then double-backed the same path. It had every look of a thoughtful, intentional paying of respects.

Again, I don’t want to over-interpret. But for me to have the spontaneous thought about tracks in the snow (I don’t think in terms of animal tracks), and then for there to BE tracks in the snow, deer tracks at that, is an assurance of some sort.

I didn’t have my camera, so on my way home I asked my niece Maggie if she wouldn’t mind heading out there the next day for some pix. She sent an e-mail to me that night, with pictures attached, saying that because it was such a beautiful evening, she “grabbed her mama” (this would be my sister Beck) and her camera and went to the cemetery. I’ve posted these pix below (along with one I snapped the next day—I couldn’t resist a return trip).

I know we’re all hurting in some way. Maybe these pictures can be a God-stamp for you too.

The season premier of one of our fave shows, 24, is tonight. This will be another of those “firsts.”

Love to all!
Barry